


The Seed Of Doubt

by sillyboyblue



Category: Blade Runner (1982)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-09
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-08-28 17:26:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8455372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sillyboyblue/pseuds/sillyboyblue
Summary: Deckard believed he could be one of those he once hunted for a living and turned to Roy for advice. At those words, Roy's blue eyes filled with concern. How did the ex-Blade Runner come to the point of questioning his own humanity ? Who planted the seed of doubt into his head ?





	

"I think I'm a Replicant."

They were going to have breakfast when Deckard got up from his chair and spoke. He had spoken suddenly, without taking a new breath to begin. He simply blurted it out.  
Deckard believed he could be one of those he once hunted for a living and turned to Roy for advice. At those words, Roy's blue eyes filled with concern. How did the ex-Blade Runner come to the point of questioning his own humanity ? Who planted the seed of doubt into his head ?

"What makes you say this ?"

Roy asked with genuine curiosity. He did not expect a particular answer. Deckard could easily pass as both, now that he thought about it. But he was different from Roy, and not different as in everybody is unique. If he was a Replicant, he had to be a different model. On the other hand Roy was quite the exception. The mind and soul of a 6 in the body structure of a 7. If Deckard turned out to be a replicant, he would be a 7.

"Did I tell you about the unicorn ?"

Thanks to Gaff, the sight of origami had become a nightmare for Deckard. He had believed that the man would retire Rachael and break his dreams but hopefully he had been wrong. Gaff figured out if Rachael only had four years, it wasn't worth the effort. She didn't represent a threat, he could wait for four years. And he was right. Tyrell had lied about Rachael. She was only a prototype of a modified kind of 7 : the same as the new Roy. The prototype was supposed to be a demonstration, and Tyrell had given her four years. At the end of the fourth year, Deckard burned her body and left every trace of her behind as he came back to the place that had been his home. Roy found him and they started something new together.

Taking Roy's silence for a yes, Deckard resumed talking.

"How could he possibly know what I dream about," he began, speaking slowly and detaching every syllable, "unless someone told him ?"

"He couldn't." Roy stated calmly.

He ignored where Deckard was going with this conversation.

"What if," the Blade Runner continued, "someone told him ?"

Roy was starting to understand. He was talking about the memories. If Deckard was truly a Replicant, he could have anybody's memories... The ex-Blade Runner's hands were shaking and his palms were getting sweaty. Roy felt the urge to steady them.

"And the pictures on the piano... Do they look like people from my family ?"

Roy had to admit it was hard to believe.

"Do they ?" Deckard was getting agitated. He balled his hands into fists.

His agressive tone confused Roy at first, then he figured out he had the right to be angry. Being lied to for your entire life, no matter how short it was, was enough of a reason to get angry at the situation, except Deckard seemed to be angry at Roy for not noticing anything. Roy had stolen documents from J.F. Sebastian five or six years prior. Files about Replicants.

"I have something that might answer this problematic question."

Roy got up from his chair and walked in direction of the bed. Under it was a box containing his belongings, and Deckard wasn't allowed to touch it. Roy rumaged through his stuff until he found what he was looking for. It was a hard disk on with a tag on it that said "project", the project being the Nexus 7. Roy plugged it to Rick's computer and opened the file called "subjects".

"There's Rachael." Deckard noted.

Roy selected a file called "blade runner".

"Model N7MBB13742. Inception date, 6th of June, 2019. Name, Deckard Rick. Termination date..."

Roy looked up to face Deckard who did not look nervous. His expression showed resignation. He did not care about how long he had.

"... None."

Roy expected anything in this moment. But he didn't expect to be punched in the chest. If Deckard needed support he'd be there, even if it meant getting punched in the chest. Deckard stood there motionless, his head hanging low. His fist was now closed around Roy's shirt.

"... Did you know ?" His voice was deep, but on the verge of cracking.

Roy shook his head and wrapped his hand around Deckard's wrist, trying to get him to let go.

"I had doubts." he admitted.

"But did you know ?" asked Deckard exasperately.

Roy thought Rick looked like he could take out his blaster and shoot him on the spot.

"No. Have I ever lied to you ?"

It was true, Roy never lied. He did not know Deckard was a Replicant. He knew it was a possibility but he never really believe in it. Defeated, Deckard went to their bedroom without drinking his coffee.

Roy followed him there, worried about what his reaction to the news could be if he was alone. He sat on the bed with him and held his hand tightly.

"I'm sorry..."

Deckard sighed and looked at Roy with tired eyes.

"It's ok. Not your fault."

Roy could see it was not ok. He brushed his thumb against Deckard's hand and placed a hand on his cheek.

"I wonder how I'm going to live knowing this. I wonder how I could live a lie for so long. I wonder what's real. I wonder how I can look at myself now."

There was a storm under his skull and Roy could do nothing but watch Deckard suffer. He wished he had the right words to calm him, but he didn't. He blamed it on the lack of empathy.

"You have been cheated like Rachael was. You have been lied to. I wouldn't... I wouldn't cope well either, I believe."

Deckard then said the words that would break Roy's heart.

"I don't want to live like this."

Roy cupped Deckard's face to force him to look at him in the eyes.

"What does it change ? Yes, you're a Replicant. But tell me, what does it change from yesterday when you suggested we get a bigger apartment and when you asked me if I wanted to go out to eat, what does it change ? I want this life. I love this life. Don't tell me you're going to simply throw it all away because you are like me."

"You speak of it like it's easy, but you have always known what you were. My nature goes against everything I ever believed in. You will never understand this."

**Author's Note:**

> This is not the original version of this story since I initially wrote it right after seeing the movie for the first time and I had forgotten some elements crucial for the story. At least five of those fanfictions were written between the first and the third time that I saw the movie and read the book. I will try and point out all of the incoherences and also clear up some things that may make sense in my head but not to a reader.


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